The Ripple of the Nipple

The fallout from Janet's breast finally hits Denver. According to Saturday's Rocky Mountain News, Denver radio may suck but at least now it won't suck in real time. Because of heightened obscenity concerns most Denver radio stations will now be broadcast with a tape delay. This change, however, really only aplies to the few remaining non Clear Channel stations in the state.

Clear Channel, the Wal-Mart of radio, has other plans for destroying local radio. The corporate owner of seemingly every radio station in the state already, in many cases, pipes in their time-delayed content from production facilities in Los Angeles or New York. Many "local" radio stations in the state and around the country employ only a few technicians to make sure that equipment keeps humming along. Centralization of this sort makes it easier to enforce "acceptable" play lists for the masses. So artists like the Dixie Chicks can be more easily black-balled.

And now this:

"Clear Channel went back through its song database and made changes to everything from Steve Miller's Jet Airliner to Nine Inch Nails' sexually explicit Closer."

Personally, I could care less about whether drive time disc jockeys are on a five second delay. But could they please lay off the music? Sigh. They cannot. For one simple reason which Pink Floyd expresses this way:

Money, get back.
I'm all right Jack keep your hands off of my stack.
Money, it's a hit.
Don't give me that do goody good bullshit.

Clear Channel, and other corporate radio stations, are driven to do "goody good" because of their overriding concern about the bottom line. Rather than risking fines that may never come -- music is often given a pass where words spoken by DJ's are more closely scrutinized -- companies like Clear Channel are making the "safe" decision and pandering to the lowest common demoninator of taste and acceptability. This concern, I think, will hasten the demise of local radio. As with broadcast TV versus cable, most people will increasingly be willing to pay for a product (i.e. satellite radio) that offers something other than warmed over, pre-recorded, homogenized, sanitized, craptacular content.

The concern about money is coupled with the concern that regulators will impose strict fines for any offense. However, with the upcoming presidential election looming, I find it hard to believe that either Republicans or Democrats will levy fines for playing the unedited versions of these songs. Afterall, some might come in handy as songs for political ads this fall. This tune, with a small locale change, could be used by John Kerry to poke fun about Bush's avowed disdain for Washington D.C. (especially when Richard Clarke is testifying):

Touchin’ down in Crawford town
Feel the heat comin’ down
I’ve got to keep on keepin’ on
You know the big wheel keeps on spinnin’ around
And I’m goin’ with some hesitation
You know that I can surely see
That I don’t want to get caught up in any of that
Funky shit goin’ down in the city

Steve Miller Band
Jet Airliner

Face it. Obscene Rock songs that should be sanitized abound with political potential. The GOP could mine Lou Reed's Walk on the Wild Side to simultaneously remind voters of Clinton's Oval Office dalliances while tarrin Kerry as being from the eyebrow plucking gay state of Massachusetts. Plus, the valium lyric would help to improve voter turnout among the Rush Limbaugh OxyContin crowd.

And the RNC could use this lyric to great effect highlighting John Kerry's flip-flopping on the issues:

Well who are you?
Who are you?
Who who, who who?
Oh, who are you?
Who are you?
Who who, who who?
Come on tell me who are you
Who are you?
Who who, who who?
Oh who the fuck are you?
Who are you?
Who who, who who?

The Who
Who Are You?

An ad featuring this snippet has the added benefit of reminding voters that heathen Democrats like John Kerry use such foul language all the time. As in Kerry's remarks to Rolling Stone: "Did I expect George Bush to fuck it up as badly as he did? I don't think anybody did." Though, in tit for tat fairness, it must be pointed out that even compassionate conservatives know how to use words that the FCC won't allow on the radio.

It appears that Janet's nipple has destroyed any chance for George or John to pursue a post political career as a DJ.