Friday, March 18, 2005

Jonah's Modest (And Idiotic) Proposal

Via Atrios we have more nonsense from Jonah Goldberg. His aim, apparently, is to appear cute while simultaneously trying to demonstrate that he cares deeply about the environment.

Just a few random thoughts.

If Goldberg really believes that DDT is non-carcinogenic in humans I would like to invite him to inject about 10cc into his carotid artery. Ohh, but perhaps he's afraid of needles? Instead maybe he could just kick back a few DDT shooters the next time he's out boozing it up with friends.

"The inconvenient truth," he writes, "is that cats kill more American birds, particularly songbirds, than DDT and pesticides ever did." This, along with the "double standard" that allows the hunting of dogs for harassing livestock, leads Goldberg to demand "justice." The solution, of course, is to allow the hunting of cats.

Hey, Jonah, as long as we're throwing out stupid ideas to save the environment, how about this one: Tear down all the cities.

Hey, I like cities just like the next guy. Nevertheless, city demolitions makes more sense than you might think. Let's start with the big picture. If you know anything about American demographics, you know that most liberals live in cities. So razing the habitat of the American Democrat (Americus democratus) has huge political benefits!

But the important thing, of course, is saving the birds, right? Well, the inconvenient truth is that buildings and other man-made structures kill more American birds than cats and Republican hunters ever did. Some estimates put the number at 1 billion birds a year.

There's one final benefit to eliminating America's cities. By addressing the most acute threat to the bird population we can feel much better about returning DDT to its rightful place in the foodchain.

Now, whether or not he intends the rest of his post to be humorous, Goldberg does leave the impression that he does -- seriously -- prefer that DDT be a part of his daily dietary regime. To which I have but one question: Jonah, did you mother consume large quantities of fish while she was pregnant with you?